High Intention Vs Inadequacy
If you are driven by the ‘highest of intentions’, it is likely that they will feel tested. If they do, it’s working.
You may forget all about your original intention, consumed by the repetitive storm stories of inadequacy. You may settle for a creative way of coping and hoping for fulfillment. You may even fight against these screaming fragments of yourself that have no interest whatsoever in accompanying you on your quest. If you are like me, your determination will see you slowly forward and slowly back again through indescribable weather. If you are like me, with this blind determination, you will create only mess, or at best, an expression of your torment and dissatisfaction, or you will simply brush the controllable surface of who you really are.
Is creativity such a fight or is it a becoming?
What I would like to propose is that your creative intention is a glimpse into the inevitable. No matter how hard you try to escape your current identity construct, to attain this next level piece of art, you have no idea how it will happen. Its impossible. If it really is the next level, and you heard, saw or felt, almost like a memory, who you are becoming, you cannot create it with what you currently know. What I’m suggesting is that you can only be taken there.
Whatever arises from that moment of conception, must be acknowledged as part of this next becoming. Everything that happens in your life and everything that is triggered internally that contradicts or obstructs your completion of this journey, is the journey. You will know when to work and when you must feel through any resistance to your unraveling. This guidance is provided. It can be a gentle experience. Creative thinking is a willingness to approach your situation in a new way, to have a new experience of who you are.Without it, your journey will be far from gentle.
Your high intention will manifest. Even if it takes years of dissatisfaction, to show you what creative thinking isn’t. Even if it orchestrates conflict after conflict, internally and externally, to show you what becoming isn’t. You will see your destination appear before your eyes when you are made a match to your intention.
Do not underestimate the power of your intention. Remind yourself with reverence of its mysterious source, and let that mystery do its job. Your service to it will be rewarded beyond your wildest imagination.
If your mind isn’t blown by the final piece, it is not the final piece.